But consider this: A 1995 study found that 50 percent of the risk of divorce is genetically determined.
Does this mean success and fulfillment in social life are inherited? The single largest reason for this genetic effect is not a “divorce gene,” I’m certain.
Or we have trouble in relationships because of our different needs, so that we always feel “too much” or “overly sensitive.” Second, before I began studying HSPs, my husband (a social psychologist) and I were very engaged in psychological research on love and close relationships–and we still are.
Or we have trouble being known and appreciated for who we really are.
HSPs are naturally cautious and reflective before committing.
They also have good reason to fear being rejected for being “too sensitive” or overwhelmed by another’s needs.
But with the right guidance, the many “mismatches” in this world can have the most fulfilling relationships of all.
Different genes and brain systems seem to govern the two traits, so that HSPs can also be SSs. An HSP with very little of this trait, in a relationship with a non-HSP/SS will certainly have a conflict-filled if exciting relationship.
(To say something is genetically determined doesn’t clarify much–wearing skirts or owning a rifle is almost totally “genetically determined,” thanks to the genes for gender plus a lot of cultural moderators.) Genetics enter into marriage because of the way that certain inherited temperaments cause trouble in relationships.
They cause trouble only because most of us are totally ignorant about the reality of the drastic differences that can exist among nervous systems.
Self-tests at the beginning of allow individuals and couples to see how they rank on both traits.
Even though temperament is invisible, it is very real.
One goal of is to help HSP women realize their mistake and HSP men to feel less to blame for their situation.